Friendless

Are you a good friend? James Avramenko (comedian, writer) wants to know. Every week James interviews guests from across the internet to discuss what it means to be a friend, what does community mean, and how can we build stronger connections to ourselves and each other. Friendless is an engaging and honest look at connection, intimacy, and self-compassion in the digital age. Fun and safety sweeties!

Choose your favorite podcast player

March 3, 2026

Don't Make It Worse: Distress Tolerance Tools (DBT mini-season part 3)

Show Notes

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're leaving the mindfulness skills behind and stepping into DBT's toolkit for emotional emergencies: the moments when you're at an eight or nine on the chaos scale, logic has stepped out of the building, and your nervous system is running the whole show. The only goal in those moments? Don't make things worse.

In this episode, James breaks down two core Distress Tolerance skills:

The STOP Skill — your emergency brake for when your thumb is hovering over "send," you can feel those words rising in your throat, and everything in your body is screaming do something. STOP interrupts the impulse-to-action pipeline just long enough to give you back a choice.

The TIP Skills — a set of physical interventions (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation) that work directly on your biology when you're too flooded to think your way through anything. Because sometimes you can't logic your way out of a crisis. You have to use your body.

James also shares two personal stories: what happened when he recorded a full 45-minute episode and forgot to hit record, and how he used the STOP skill in real time during a text conversation that was heading somewhere neither party wanted to go.

We wrap with a short guided mental rehearsal so these skills are a little more accessible when the real crisis hits.

In this episode:

• Why mindfulness alone isn't enough when your brain is in chaos mode

• What's actually happening in your nervous system during a crisis (and why the first impulse is almost always the wrong one)

• The STOP skill, broken down step by step

• The TIP skills: Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Paired Muscle Relaxation

• The dive reflex — and why cold water actually works

• Why a long exhale is a biological signal that the danger is over

• A short guided rehearsal to help build your crisis response map

Connect with Friendless:

• Email: friendlesspod@gmail.com

• Instagram: @friendlesspod