Naming What You Actually Feel (or 'Fine' Doesn't Cut It) (DBT mini-season part 5)
This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we ask what if the goal of emotional maturity isn't to stop feeling things but to stop fighting them?
In Part 5 of Friendless's deep dive into DBT emotional regulation, James unpacks what emotions are actually for, and why treating them like problems to solve is exactly what keeps us stuck.
This episode covers three foundational skills: naming emotions accurately (because "I feel bad" tells you nothing useful), checking the facts (the difference between what actually happened and the story your brain added on top), and the PLEASE skill — the unglamorous daily maintenance checklist that has a surprisingly direct line to how regulated you feel.
James also gets personal: about spending years terrified of his own anger, about the shame hiding underneath a text that didn't get answered, and about why exercise remains the bane of his existence.
In this episode:
- Why emotions are signals, not malfunctions
- The smoke alarm analogy that reframes everything
- How vague labels like "fine" keep you stuck
- Checking the facts vs. checking the story
- PLEASE: Physical illness, Eating, Avoid substances, Sleep, Exercise
- A short practice to try right now
Friendless is a podcast about loneliness, connection, and the honest, sometimes uncomfortable work of understanding ourselves.
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