Episodes

Recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street, Vancouver, this episode features author and longtime Tyee columnist Steve Burgess , whose new book Cheapskate in Lotus Land: The Philosophy and Practice of Living Well on a Small Budget is part memoir, part cultural critique, and part philosophical provocation. Steve is a former disc jockey, television host, and film worker who has spent decades writing personal essays — first for the Vancouver Sun and Vancouver Magazine, then at The Tyee, where he...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, your pal James Avramenko is joined by Charlie Demers. Charlie Demers is a comedian, broadcaster, author, and 20-year veteran of CBC's The Debaters — and somehow all of that is just the warm-up. Recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street, this conversation starts with his new Canadian lexicon book The A-Team (a celebration of the words and phrases that mark you as one of us), takes a hard left into French immersion class politics, and ends up...

What happens when you've spent your whole life fitting a mold — and you finally decide you've had enough? This week, James sits down with Eddy Boudel Tan, Vancouver-born author of The Tiger and the Cosmonaut , recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street. In this episode: The experience of being second-generation Chinese Canadian — caught between cultures, between expectations, between versions of yourself What Eddy calls "Asian rage" — the anger that builds when you're expected to minimize yo...

In this final episode of the DBT micro-season, James walks back through the terrain — mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness — not to reteach, but to reflect. What landed. What didn't. What surprised him. And, more importantly, how to actually use any of this in real life without turning it into another productivity project or, worse, becoming a DBT zealot who diagnoses everyone at brunch. Expect a tour back through the season, reflection questions t...

It's Independent Bookstore Day, and to celebrate, Friendless is doing a double feature — two short conversations recorded at the Bookshelf, both circling the same question: what do bookstores actually do for us that nothing else can? First up is MLA Christine Boyle , BC's Minister of Housing and Municipal Affairs — and a lifelong library and bookstore nerd. We talk about the physical, relational experience you can't get from an online cart, why her 11-year-old plays her like a fiddle every time ...

There's a version of kindness that isn't actually kindness. It's saying yes when you mean no, showing up depleted and resentful, and building relationships on a quiet lie — the lie that you're fine, that it's all okay, that you have no limits. And the thing about that version of kindness is it always ends the same way: in a blowup, a ghost, or an overcorrection so sharp it takes the whole relationship with it. Episode 8 of the DBT mini-season covers Give and Fast — the two interpersonal skills f...

Most of us were never taught how to ask for what we need — we were taught how to be nice, how to be agreeable, and how to silently hope the other person would just figure it out. And when they didn't, we either resented them or came in way too hot trying to make up for lost time. In this very special episode, James unpacks interpersonal effectiveness — the DBT module that's less about managing yourself and more about navigating other people, which, let's be honest, is the hard part. He covers ho...

What does it take to truly belong somewhere — and what happens when you didn't know that's what you needed? This week on Friendless, James sits down with Iona Whishaw — bestselling author of the Lane Winslow Mystery series — for a live conversation at the Book Warehouse on Main Street in Vancouver, BC. Her newest novel, A False and Fatal Claim , is the backdrop for a wide-ranging discussion about identity, deception, community, and the surprising things we discover about ourselves when we stop r...

Your feelings are real. But what if acting on them is making things worse? In this episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko continues the DBT series with three tools for navigating emotions without being controlled by them. We cover Opposite Action — the skill for when your emotion is justified, but the urge it's driving you toward would damage something you care about. We look at Problem Solving — for when the emotion does fit the facts and there's something concrete you can actually do. And we explore Building Positive Experiences — the proactive, preventative practice of filling your emotional reserves before crisis hits. James shares personal stories from his medical leave, a financial spiral, and the anxiety he felt recording this very episode — and what it looked like to apply (or not apply) these tools in real time. In this episode: * The "action urge" behind every emotion — and when following it makes things worse * How avoidance teaches your brain that the threat is real *…

This week on a very special episode of Friendless recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host James Avramenko interviews thriller author Robin Harding about her novel Strangers in the Villa. They discuss the inspiration for the book’s setup—a couple, Sydney and Curtis, retreat to an isolated villa in Catalonia, Spain, to repair their marriage after an affair, then invite in two Australian strangers who won’t leave—by a real trip and intensified by language and cultural barriers. The...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we ask what if the goal of emotional maturity isn't to stop feeling things but to stop fighting them? In Part 5 of Friendless's deep dive into DBT emotional regulation, James unpacks what emotions are actually for , and why treating them like problems to solve is exactly what keeps us stuck. This episode covers three foundational skills: naming emotions accurately (because "I feel bad" tells you nothing useful), checking the facts (the differenc...

Distress Tolerance Pt. 2: Self-Soothing & Radical Acceptance This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing our exploration of Distress Tolerance skills as the DBT mini-season hits the halfway mark! STOP and TIPP — last week's skills — are built for acute crisis moments. This episode is for the other kind of hard: the slow burn, the ongoing grief, the situations you can't fix right now and just have to live with anyway. Two major skills today: self-soothing and radical acceptance. Self-Soothing is about giving your nervous system what it needs to feel safer — not by fixing the thing, not by numbing out, but through sensory input that tells your body it's okay right now. James breaks down what this looks like across all five senses, shares what's in his self-soothing kit, and makes a case for building your own before you need it. Radical Acceptance is probably the hardest skill in DBT. It's also, in James's experience, the most transformative. This is the practice …

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're leaving the mindfulness skills behind and stepping into DBT's toolkit for emotional emergencies: the moments when you're at an eight or nine on the chaos scale, logic has stepped out of the building, and your nervous system is running the whole show. The only goal in those moments? Don't make things worse. In this episode, James breaks down two core Distress Tolerance skills: The STOP Skill — your emergency brake for when your thumb is hov...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, your pal and host of the show James Avramenko sits down with journalist, activist, podcaster, and author Garth Mullins — live at Book Warehouse on Main Street in Vancouver — for one of the most honest, wide-ranging conversations the show has ever had. Garth is the host of the Crackdown podcast and the author of Crackdown: Surviving and Resisting the War on Drugs (Penguin Random House), a memoir-meets-manifesto that traces his life as a drug user...

In this very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing the DBT micro-season diving into the how skills of mindfulness: non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. If those sound like made-up DBT words, you're not wrong—but what they actually mean is surprisingly straightforward. Last episode covered the what skills (observe, describe, participate). This week is about how to practice them without turning mindfulness into another thing you're failing at. Because here's the thing: you c...

in this very special episode of Friendless, we're kicking off the DBT micro-season with Mindfulness Part 1, and no — this is not the sit-cross-legged-and-think-about-nothing version. This is practical mindfulness. The kind that gives you an off-ramp when your brain is catastrophising about a blank document or a text that went unanswered. Today we're covering the three "What" skills: Observe, Describe, and Participate. These are the foundation everything else builds on. They're deceptively simple...

In this very special episode of Friendless, your host James Avramenko finally launches the long-promised DBT mini-season. This introductory episode explores why Dialectical Behavior Therapy isn't just for people with BPD diagnoses—it's practical emotional scaffolding for anyone who's ever sent an unhinged text at 2am or catastrophized themselves out of sleep. James shares his own journey into DBT during one of the lowest points of his life, why he was skeptical at first, and the moment a simple ...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes acclaimed author Susin Nielsen for a live recording at Book Warehouse Vancouver. Susin's latest novel "Snap" tells the story of three unlikely friends brought together through an anger management program—and it all started with a real incident at a disastrous school visit 15 years ago. In this wide-ranging conversation, Susin and James explore the power of optimistic storytelling in dark times, the peculiar difficu...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, I sit down with Dr. Greg Hammer—pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired Stanford professor, and author of A Mindful Teen —to talk about what we're actually doing to young people in 2025. We unpack the unique pressures facing today's teens: smartphones as double-edged swords, the performative perfection trap of social media, sextortion and AI-generated abuse, fentanyl-laced everything, gun violence as background noise, and the imposs...

In this very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko delves into the complexities of friendship, sobriety, and mental health with his dear friend William Raphael Pacheco. Join them as they discuss the impact of family names, the challenges of quitting substances, and the journey toward self-acceptance. They share laughs, deep reflections, and valuable life insights on maintaining friendships and navigating queer spaces while staying sober. Follow Will on Instagram - https://www.insta...

In this very special episode of 'Friendless,' recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host welcomes guest Genki Ferguson, an author based in Vancouver. Genki shares insights on his writing career, experiences working at Book Warehouse, and studying at Emily Carr University. He talks about his debut novel 'Satellite Love' and his forthcoming book 'The Love An Abalone Feels For the Sea' set for 2027 release. The discussion dives deep into the timelines of publishing, the process of wri...

In this very special episode of Friendless, join host James Avramenko in a look back on the year that was 2025. He reflects on the highs and lows of the past year. James opens up about his medical leave, mental health, and the complexities of dealing with burnout. He discusses guest highlights, including interviews with Dean Spade and Dust Quinn, and shares his thoughts on the current state of friendship in culture. James also provides recommendations for books, movies, and music that defined hi...

In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko sits down with dear friend and special guest Lee Smith for an honest, vulnerable conversation about connection, identity, and the unexpected magic of friendship. Together, they unpack the challenges of forging community in a remote world, the unique energy of in-person gatherings, and the exhilarating (and sometimes scary) experience of bringing all your people together. James and Lee discuss the power of vulnerability when invit...

This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes back one of his best friends, Gavin Harper, for an honest, heartwarming, and hilarious catch-up. Together they dive deep into the complexities of names and identity, community building, and the tough but necessary process of personal growth after life implosions. Gavin shares candid reflections on leaving a difficult job, navigating tricky workplace relationships, and embracing accountability for past actions—all wh...